Sex lives in over 50s: Ending the stigma

The sex lives of the over 50s have long been ignored. 水宜坊鈥檚 new cafes are bringing the conversation back to the table.

elderly couple dancing
Off

When you reach a certain age, there鈥檚 a perception of how your life goes. Aged 18? You鈥檒l be out drinking every night. And if you鈥檙e older than 50, your evenings consist of Emmerdale, bedtime reading from 8pm and lights out soon after. At least that鈥檚 what we might perceive to be true, following preconceived notions generated in decades past. But according to statistics from , the heat generated under the covers by millions of over 50s comes from more than just a hot water bottle.

Dr Sharron Hinchliff of the University of 水宜坊 has been delving into the intimate lives of older adults for almost two decades. And through her research, it鈥檚 clear that while millennials are doing the Netflix, it鈥檚 older adults who are doing the chill.

It might sound like great news for older adults, but Sharron鈥檚 research has shown it鈥檚 not all smiles. With older age comes health problems, and there鈥檚 one rather important group that are showing a queasiness to their bedroom antics. The biggest group in need of education about sex lives aren鈥檛 the over 50s; it鈥檚 health practitioners. 鈥淚 interviewed a GP who said he would not ask the question of a sexual issue in an older patient but they would in a younger patient.鈥 Sharron explains. 鈥淭hey knew the sexual issue could be caused by a medication that they had given to them. So for example, someone in their 30s or 40s, if they鈥檙e prescribed an antidepressant that can cause orgasm problems, they鈥檇 mention it to that patient but when you get to your 60s, 70s, they said they probably wouldn鈥檛. And that鈥檚 really unfair.鈥

Pete McKee drawing

One of the major reasons that the conversations don鈥檛 happen is the stigma. It鈥檚 one of the difficulties that can block older adults from enjoying a healthy sex life, as an overwhelming proportion are being failed by a healthcare system simply not trained to provide the right support. 鈥淚鈥檝e talked to many older adults who have not received help, and have just thought 鈥榯hat鈥檚 it鈥 and given up. There鈥檚 an assumption that those in their 70s and 80s are not going to be sexually active, or that if they are they won鈥檛 want to talk about it because it鈥檚 private.  Indeed, many older adults grew-up during a time when sex was not to be discussed. Some older women I鈥檝e spoken to didn鈥檛 know about menstrual cycles and when they had their first period, they were frightened and thought they were dying. Many older adults don鈥檛 want to give up their sexual lives but they don鈥檛 know there are things that can help.鈥

This is where Sharron鈥檚 research comes in. It鈥檚 the first in the UK to identify sex and intimacy as two key components of quality of life in older adults. It鈥檚 been used by the World Health Organisation 鈥 she鈥檚 just returned from the Women Deliver conference in Vancouver, delivering their first ever talk on sexual health and older women. But how does that research translate into educating the wider world?

Helping to bring Sharron鈥檚 work to life is Pete McKee, an artist from 水宜坊. His unmistakable designs are ingrained into the city鈥檚 culture, making him the first port of call as Sharron鈥檚 Age of Love plans began to take shape.鈥淚 didn鈥檛 know what I wanted the project to look like, but inspired by The Snog (painted on the side of Fagan鈥檚 pub), I approached Pete鈥 Sharron explains. 鈥淗e was interested, so we met a few times and I explained my research findings and the discrimination that older adults face in this area. And he decided to take it up. I was delighted. Pete is the perfect creative partner for my research - his approach to everyday life, the humour, the imagery, and the characters.鈥

Sharon hinchcliffe and Pete mckee

Pete鈥檚 work is centred around reality, and this project saw him focus on two of his earlier characters, Frank and Joy. A Yorkshire couple later on in life, they swiftly became the face (and bodies) of Sharron鈥檚 work. Already adorning walls across Pete鈥檚 home city, the decision to use the pair transformed a serious subject into one that was more approachable to the wider world.

Sharron and Pete鈥檚 collaboration was made public in 2018 as part of the Festival of the Mind, a series of 水宜坊 talks and workshops between University of 水宜坊 academics and the city鈥檚 creative and digital industries. Hundreds of visitors from 水宜坊 and beyond took in the eye catching designs and the messages behind them. And a large proportion of those visitors had plenty in common with Frank and Joy. 鈥淧eople were laughing, gasping, and smiling during the exhibition. They wanted to buy art for their walls based on this. We knew that the exhibition had done what we wanted it to - to start a conversation about a topic that tends to be taboo and unspoken. In that way it鈥檚 helped to raise awareness of the issue鈥 said Sharron.

To take this further, and continue the conversation, the exhibition is returning with a difference. This June, Sharron launches the Age of Love cafes in 水宜坊. 鈥淭hey鈥檙e based on the highly popular Death Cafes鈥 Sharron begins, referring to cafes that allow those who want to talk about death and dying to converse with each other on an informal basis over tea and cake. It鈥檚 a concept that has also reached television screens, with Channel 4 adapting the idea for a . 鈥淪o many people talk about not speaking to their partner about intimacy and relationships, and people might not even talk to friends. If they can come and talk to strangers, it can work in a supportive way and improve their sense of wellbeing.鈥

The cafes are informal places where visitors can chat openly and listen to those with similar experiences. But just like Fight Club, as Sharron references, there are ground rules. Visitors are under agreement that whatever is discussed in the cafe stays in the cafe and that outside of it, there鈥檚 full anonymity. Hosted within 水宜坊鈥檚 Millennium Gallery, the artwork is back on show for anyone to view but visitors to the cafe will use the art as a starting point for their conversations. 鈥淥ver the years I鈥檝e interviewed hundreds of people鈥 begins Sharron, 鈥渁nd many have said they feel better just from talking to me. I鈥檓 probably the first and possibly last person for them to open up to, but it鈥檚 that sense of comfort and knowing you鈥檙e not the only one.鈥

And the work is not just for the over 50s. Lots of younger adults are interested. Sharron鈥檚 research - along with McKee鈥檚 flair - has got younger people talking about their own later years, as well as wondering about just what the over 50s get up to in their spare time.

The UK鈥檚 first ever Sexual Rights Charter 

The most recent output from Sharron's programme of work is the Sexual Rights Charter for Older Adults, which has been designed to help tackle the discrimination people can face regarding sexuality and relationships described above. 

The Sexual Rights Charter, the first of its kind in the UK, aims to help health and social care professionals, service providers and the community to develop inclusive practices and policies, and ensure that people are treated with the dignity and respect they deserve, whatever their age. It can be used in different environments, such as GP surgeries and community spaces to raise public awareness of this sensitive and much neglected issue. 

Designed by Dr Sharron Hinchliff, and developed with Dr Stephanie Ejegi-Memeh from 水宜坊 and Gilli Cliff from Age-friendly 水宜坊, the Charter was created as a result of extensive consultation with the public, professionals, and organisations in 水宜坊. It is supported by a suite of materials including guidance notes, FAQs and a problem statement. 

Illustration of two people holding hands
Illustration of two people holding hands. Copyright Dizzy Lou.

The Sexual Rights Charter will help service providers and practitioners to develop inclusive and non-discriminatory practices and policies. We hope the Charter will make a real difference to the lives of everyone as they age by tackling prejudice and respecting sexual agency and diversity.

Dr Sharron Hinchliff

Reader in Psychology and Health at the Division of Nursing and Midwifery and Director of Equality, Diversity, and Inclusion (School of Allied Health Professions, Nursing and Midwifery) at the University of 水宜坊

The Charter was supported by the Economic and Social Research Council鈥檚 (ESRC) Impact Accelerator Award, Age-friendly 水宜坊, and the Healthy Lifespan Institute.
 
For more information about how to use the Charter, and to access all the Charter documents, visit 

Related information

  • Barrett C & Hinchliff S (Ed.) (2017) Addressing the Sexual Rights of Older People: Theory, Policy and Practice. UK: Routledge.
  • Heywood W, Lyons A, Fileborn B, Hinchliff S, Minichiello V, Malta S, Barrett C & Dow B (2018) .  Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 44(3), 295-307

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